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Monday, 21 September 2009

Ever since my friend commited suicide I haven't been the same.

I’m stuck with a smile that doesn't fit me anymore

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along

I've seen fire &+ I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days
I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times when
I could not find a friend, but I always thought
I'd see you again.

Stop falling in love with everything that lets you down

I remember when I used to be the happiest,
loudest, spunkiest person alive. Nothing could get me down
for very long. I smiled all the time &+ laughed
nonstop. I still see glimpses of that girl sometimes,
but not much. I haven't seen her in a while.
I miss her.

she was looking for love, he was looking for fun - yeah mascara and boys always run
just when you've had enough, life
gives you more. and just when you think
it's rained enough , it starts to pour.

at some point you have to realize that he doesn't care,
and maybe you're missing out on someone who does.
there are only 3 things in life a girl needs:
love to make her weak
alcohol to make her strong
a best friend when both make her hit the floor
she's just a silly girl.
who keeps her hopes too high and her jeans too low.
who lives by quotes & can`t ever seem to say
the right thing at the right time.
she's just another pretty girl looking for herself in a big world.
truth about girls; it doesn't matter who dumped who or why.
whenever we see an ex with another girl,
it always bothers us.
not because we're not over you,
but because we know that we used to be that girl.
i want to run, but only far enough to make you miss me. i want to take back all the shit i've done, but i guess you're better off without me.

Her words are like a heart attack.
when your throat starts
to clench and tingle
and your heart gets
so warm the heat
travels through your body
and when your stomach starts
to feel those unforgiving butterflies
where its the worst pain you even felt
thats your heart breaking
every man is afraid of something.
that's how you know he's in love with you;
when he is afraid of losing you.

Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak.
Since birth, it has always been a sign that
you're alive.

This is it for today
i'm awfully sad.

Friday, 17 July 2009

save me from myself.
comment pleasee.

You've been on my mind for a while now.
And honestly, you're quite heavy. Please
get off.

I'm not good at expressing how I feel. It
takes alot for me to be honest. I don't fall
for people easily, and I keep my heart
gaurded. But if I could ever fall in love,
I think it'd be with you.

People who belong together, stay together.
Despite major setbacks and disagreements, they
may deal in fault and blame temporarily, but
ultimately they work things out. Love conquers
all.

How did you get here under my skin? I swore that
I'd never let you back in. I should have known better
than trying to let you go because here we go, go, go again.

I'm not negative, no, I'm just realistic.
And you tell me to take a chance and see
what might happen, but what would be the
point when the chance I want to take is with you?

You ask me "Whats wrong?" and you sound
so sincere, but I wonder what you would do
if I said everything that was wrong had to do
with you.

I think maybe I've been fooling myself into
believing you're someone you're not. And I've
slowly fallen in love with the person you aren't.
Please do something that brings me back
to reality.

I'm not trying to push you away. I'm holding
on to you as best as I can. But its hard when you're
giving me nothing to hold on to.

You've got me guessing like we're on some
kind of game show and I hate it. But I love it
too. You've got me so mixed up that I don't
know what to do. But I know my life would
be so dull without you.

I'm afraid that it's never going to happen. Actually,
no, I know it won't so that's not what's scaring me.
I'm afraid that I'm never going to stop wishing it would.

I didn't intend for us to break. I never
wanted you to walk away. But now that the
peices are left lying on the floor, I can't
seem to find the strength to pick them up.

I was afraid things were going to change. I
was afraid that the past would repeat itself
and I would fall for you again. Thanks for
reminding me why that didn't work out the
first time.

I swear there's fireworks when we touch.
There's so much heat I'm surprised we don't
spontaneously combust.

In the end, we will not remember the words
of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Unless it's mad, passionate, extroardinary love,
it's a waste of time. There are too many mediocre
things in life and love shouldn't be one of them.

He can't make me smile like I wish he could. He
can't make me laugh like I wish he could. He
doesn't hold me the way I wish he would. He's
nothing like you.

If I poured out my heart to you, I'm afraid you
wouldn't understand. I'm afraid that you will have
absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, when
really all I want you to do is say "I feel the same way."

going to bed. hurts too much to be awake;

Sunday, 05 July 2009

okay, so, it's clearly been awhile,
but things have been a little rough and i'm just catching my breath.
i'll start to make these more frequent!

Comment and Sub!
I comment back!

Our days would be happier if
we gave people a little bit of our
hearts rather than a piece of our minds. 

There has always been a huge difference
in getting through things and getting over them.

Maybe it's not too late
to learn how to love,
and forget how to hate.

At first I wanted no one to remember,
But now I hope you won't forget.

For a girl who's got it together,
She certainly seems to be falling apart.

You shine so bright, it's insane.
You put the sun to shame.

We all have an enormous capacity for believing in anything that will provide us with a bit of comfort.

i should be ashamed of this, but i'm not.

I want somebody to sleep with me, and just sleep. Someone to cuddle up with during a movie, on a couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Challenge me, let me challenge him. Talk about dreams, and make dreams. Have fights, the kind that only really matter just as long as you're having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes & not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers once in a while, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think "this might make my girl smile" as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he's got.

Human beings are designed for many
things; ~~loneliness~~ is not one of them.

"He stayed in the middle of the road for a long time, trying to catch his
breath, hoping she would turn around and come back to him, wishing
he hadn't let her go. Wishing for one more chance.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Things have been going a lot better than the whole saturday drive in. I don't talk to that boy anymore, but it's because I wanted it that way. There's this kid that saved me, pretty much. I haven't talked to him for months and now we're talking again! Anyways, Here's the post, yo.
Comment & Sub!

I called because I wanted you to know that
despite everything that's happened, and all
the miles between us right now, I still think
about the way it was in the beginning.

"I wanna marry you because you're the first
person I wanna  look at when I wake up in the
morning and the only one I want to kiss goodnight.
Because the first time that I saw these hands,  I couldn't
imagine not being able to hold them. "

'Cause you're a little bit too nice, I look a little
bit like hell. 'Cause I'm a little overtired, and
i'm a little overwhelmed. And you're a little bit
too late, and it's a little bit too soon. And I'm a
little bit too strange, for somebody like you.

Pathetic isn't something I would normally call myself,
but looking back I'm ashamed at how blind I really was.

I've killed myself with changes trying to make things better.

And I keep looking for that blindfold faith
Lighting candles to a cynical saint
Who wants the last laugh at the fly trapped in the windowsill tape?
You can go right out of your mind trying to escape
From the panicked paradox of day to day
If you can’t understand something
then it’s best to be afraid

We tend to fall in love the same way we get sick; without wanting to, without believing it, against our will and unable to defend ourselves. And then we lose love exactly the same way

You've taught me what it feels like to be hurt and what it feels like to be loved,and what it feels like to have the greatest thing in the world standing right next to you. And also the feeling of being forgotten.

i don't have a fear of commitment; i have a fear of abandonment. we all screw things up. i screw things up, especially with the people i love. i get needy, i get moody, i get distant, i want to be too close. i get confused, i don't understand all of it. but i keep pushing because i hope in this thing, the universe. there's no way i'm the only person out there who wants it this bad. if i want it, someone else out there must too.

It's easiest when I don't see him, I won't deny that. But I just want to be able to see him without it hurting. I don't want him out of my life forever. I can't forget about him. I don't want him to forget me. I really, really don't.

I just love anything that makes me laugh. I think that's important: those stomach-wrenching, jaw-hopping laughs that you can taste inside and out. Feel them, and let them out.
When people can walk away from you, let them walk.Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you, or staying attached to you. When people can walk away, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left
So, hi. This is me. A human being, in all of my frailty. Laying myself out for you, that we might walk through this beautiful, awful, strange thing we call life, together. what do you say?
Stop and make sure that everything you are doing right now is really what makes you happy. You can't just live for some goal in the future and have that be everything... have that be it. Because that is what some people do. They get on this road and there are all these signs saying, 'This way. That way.' But what if you get there, you get exactly what you wanted, like some people do, except all the things that were wrong, are still wrong. Then what?
she talks about you like you put the stars in the sky

Sunday, 07 June 2009

Battlefield.

Okay, So... The guy I liked led me on and then
told me he just didn't feel it.
Ever felt like everything's going wrong?
And you just want to stop getting up?
I walked away from a drive in
on dark roads, and despite the fact i'm terrified of the dark,
once you reach that point....
Nothing matters, but the goodbyes.
I saw my sister cry because I looked her in the eyes
and told he she was strong and beautiful and that
no matter what happened that night,
she would do great things.
When I was walking on those dark back roads,
I was going to jump in front of a car.
Jessica and her boy came to pick me up.
She saved my life... I got home and sat in my driveway thinking about my niece/god child
and what kind of world she'd be raised in and I had friends that would do anything
for me. I'm lucky to say the least. Please don't judge me,
I'm just a teenager having some problems rising through the tide,
but I know I'm stronger than all of this.

Here's a post peopleeee.
Please commennttt and sub!

I used to say that staring into your eyes felt like home, but you were like no home I had ever known. You were soft and lovely, and you always kept me warm. I miss having someone to wrap me up in their arms and whisper sweet melodies in my ear.

I've packaged my emotions. it's limited edition. oh the new clear vinyl. this one's guaranteed to make you weep with the pretty print.

all i want is more than i'll ever get

I'll write you and in my dreams I'll lay on your chest to muffle your screams and all the love I see I'll hold it close to me, in hopes that one day our secrets will be free.

I have the largest need in the universe to empty pointless words from my body, but they just aren't coming to the crease of my lips. Like usual. I'm trying my hardest to force them to the ends of my finger tips, from where ever they are hiding out under my skin. The keyboard just seems extra friendly tonight. So, I'm trying to take advantage of it all right now.

You don't have to be tough every minute of everyday. It's okay to let your guard down. In fact, there's moments when it's the best thing you could possibly do, as long as you choose those moments wisely.

The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more that you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer, because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.

I need you around, to remind me what not to become

you are rare and wondrous,
genuine and unrepeatable.
now go forth and set the world on fire.

She starts to feel it on her own
She makes the city seem like home
All you had from me is gone
And I give and I give
But you hope in return
Never thought I'd be the one to burn

It's like my heart can't be tamed, and I fall in love every day, and I feel like a fool.

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes, unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

I'm blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did they go to?
Why disappear?

I'm wasting infinite time. I'm trying to find out what I see in me. This is a problem of mine, it's going to eat me up eventually. I should just let it all out and not care about what it'll do for me but instead of drawing the line, I'm letting it build up inside me. I think I'm being serious.

I remember being thirteen years old, sitting
in my room all night listening to the same song
over and over. I thought that if I could write
something beautiful, something honest,
I could make someone love me.

The best feeling in the world is not falling in
love. It's falling out of love with someone who
never loved you

But the struggles make you stronger, and the
changes make you wise. And happiness has a
way of taking its sweet time. Life isn't always
beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride.

It's better to sleep on things before hand,
than to lie awake thinking about them after.

I'm on my knees and screaming at the
clouds, tears fall from the sky.
Hate is a four letter word, and love
is a four letter lie.

I wonder if it's okay to cry over you,
cause we were never anything special.
I just thought we could be.

I could be sitting there, laughing so had... and you would walk over and whisper, "what's wrong?" cause you knew i was faking it.

And in some way, I think I recognize that I will never be fully over you, and that part of me will always love you. But most of me understands that this doesn’t work, and I need to move on to be happy.

I can`t be with someone who has doubts..
no matter how small they are. I need someone
who wants to be with me as much as I want
to be with them. I don`t want just part of
your heart, I want all of it.

But what's real? You can't find the truth, so you pick the lie you like best.

Midwest aftermath, the rumors start to rise. Did I truly do the things that you've described? They must hate me, every single one. It just sickens them, what I consider fun.

I like dead end signs. They're kind.They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere.

find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.. wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you.. the one who turns to his friends and says, that’s her..

And I sunk below, where I swore I would never go.

Look at everything as if you were seeing it for the first or last time.
You create more friction when you hide your emotions. Let them out.
So tell me when you're gonna let me in i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin.
You’ll meet her, she’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her.
You think you're having such a hard time. I go through the same thing you do everyday, except I'm pretty sure that every waking moment you're not thinking about how you don't love me back. I am.
Love is a strange emotion. When one thinks of it, a conflicting multitude of thoughts arise. Love is pitiful and marvelous, empowering and parasitic. It is hideous; it is beautiful. It is weak and strong at the same time. Love has started wars, ended wars, caused the depression and death of millions, as well as caused uncountable others to be thrown to the heights of ecstasy. So is love truly such a pure, lovely thing? I think it is a mixture of both. Just as nothing is purely good or evil, so is love.

You don’t have to speak a word. Your eyes say enough.

As the tears run down her face she thinks of everything that they've ever done together.

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes, Starting making his way past two in the morning, He hasn't been sober for days, Leaning now into the breeze, Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees, They had breakfast together, But two eggs don't last, Like the feeling of what he needs

All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

Depression is such a cruel punishment. There are no fevers, no rashes, no blood tests to send people scurrying in concern. Just the slow erosion of self, as insidious as any cancer. And like cancer, it is essentially a solitary experience. A room in hell with only your name on the door.

I will never ever lose hope. I refuse to. No matter the odds, no matter what happens, it’s still my choice, my decision, my power, to hold onto the faith in what I believe to be true. That's the one thing that can never be taken from me unless I allow it because I believe that sometimes the impossible is possible.

Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left on unexpended effort that might have saved the world.

she's banged up. mentally and emotionally. literally and metaphorically. but every day she walks outside with a smile on her face. because that's who she is, the girl who never stopped smiling.

All my life, I have felt like there was some part of me missing and I felt that everyone could tell; like there was some hole in me, and everyone could see through it, like I wasn't finished or something.

I've learned a lot this year. I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned or the way you think they should, and I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones.

My nerves have been shaking twenty-four seven and I've stopped trying to calm them. Nothing, and I mean nothing, seems right anymore. Each day gets more dreadful and each day I wish I wasn't here just a little more than the day before. I've been back in a corner for days and no one will pull me out. Being alone really does feel as awful as it sounds. Between the arguments and the tears, I can't hear my own thoughts anymore. I have no clue of what I want, what I need, what I should have. I miss being able to count on you.

Although it is such a singular word, there are many variations of alone. There is the alone of an empty beach at twilight. There is the alone of an empty hotel room. There is the alone of being caught in a throng of people. There is the alone of missing a particular person. And there is the alone of being with a particular person and realizing you are still alone.

Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, talking with strangers, waiting in line. I'm through with these pills that make me sit still. "Are you feeling fine?" "Yes, I feel just fine."

I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling empty inside. I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'm tired of feeling stuck. I'm tired of feeling crazy. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of yelling. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I'm tired of missing things. I'm tired of missing people. I'm tired of remembering. I'm tired of wishing I could start all over. I'm tired of not being able to just let go. I'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of being different. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of needing help. I'm tired of always wondering when I will finally let myself be happy. Most of all, I'm just tired of being tired.

Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Being alive is a special occasion.

She's just a silly girl. Who keeps her hopes too high and her jeans too low. Who lives by quotes & can`t ever seem to say the right thing at the right time. She's just another pretty girl looking for herself in a big world. Who just wants someone to love her, and then everything would be alright.

Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? what measure of time is enough to be life-altering? is it four years, like high school? One year? An eight-week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead, but when you're young, one hour can change everything.

According to Greek mytholgy, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their powers, Zeus split them into two parts; condemning them to spend the rest of their lives in search of their other halves

one day you make a wrong turn, or take a detour, & you end up in some crazy place you can`t even find on the map, doing something you never thought you would do. maybe you feel a little lost while it`s happening, but later you realize that it was the best part of the trip.

And